Our precious little boy, Patrick Rosas-Rochelle, was born on Friday, June 13, 2008. Patrick weighed 13.5oz and measured 10.5 inches. His fingers and toes were perfectly formed. He had the cutest "button" nose you'll ever see. He was everything we had ever hoped for, but he was "stillborn". We love you, Patrick, our little patty cake. You live in our hearts and memories where we will remember you forever.When I realized that a little peanut was growing inside me and felt his heartbeat for the first time, I was so happy and thankful for this chance. But also, afraid our first visit to the ER due to heavy spotting. The doctor thought we were going to have a miscarriage. I stayed home until my next OB visit a few days later. I felt at ease that our doctor gave us medication and said it would be all fine. That’s where it began. We were on bed rest for a month and half, and we made it through and things seemed to be getting easier. The sickness started to subside a little and I was starting to feel much better. Next couple of doctor visits went well. We didn’t make it to our scheduled ultra sound as our insurance was not accepted by the hospital where we were scheduled until we would get an authorization. I remember making a few calls to the insurance provider but things didn’t go as planned, so I had to wait to see my primary doctor before the authorization could be processed. My primary doctor was booked and I had to wait two whole weeks.
The day came when I went to my primary doctor and all seemed well. The authorization was in process and now we had to wait 7 days for it to be finalized and faxed to my OB. We had waited so patiently for the authorization to go through as we wanted our ultra sound. My husband wanted to know our baby’s sex. Finally the day came that the authorization had been faxed to the OB and it’s the day I end up in the ER at 5 months gestation.
Patrick was born still 3 days later on June 13, 2008. For nothing was or could be done to save him, so that is what the doctors said. I clearly remember hearing through the fetal monitor how my baby fought for his life. That is the most heartbreaking sound after seeing that we arrived to the hospital with all our trust and faith that our baby would be saved.
As I sit here writing this I wonder how mothers like me move on. I can barely make each day, mornings seem to be the worst as I wake up to an emptiness that I never expected. I reach and touch my tummy and it didn’t grow, no signs of a baby living here. Where is my precious baby boy? All I have to show for Patrick’s life is his hat, a hospital tag, and his blanket still with smudges of my son’s blood, and a few pictures. I know this might be more than what some mothers have to show for their loss. I know I am lucky to have three young healthy boys; my husband has lost his little boy, someone with his own blood that he had hoped, and waited for so patiently. We had so many plans as I had chosen his infant care already. He would have his red stroller which we would walk him around the park every morning, but all that was lost when our little one entered heaven. Our precious little Patrick left behind a lifetime of longing for his sweet presence as he is loved and missed dearly.
http://patrickrosas-rochelle.memory-of.com
